:: Saturday, December 27, 2003 ::

I don't know yet if I've found a kindred spirit, but I sure am counting on it. I haven't acted that warmly or openly around her, but she's recognized who I am and vice-versa. We've only seen each other twice, and so far I've come to like her. I hope she stays in the family longer. She'd make a great relative. I need her in the family. She's fresh and real. And I'm not just saying that because she's new around here. She doesn't seem condescending at all, unlike the past "new" members of the family. Because no matter how cool the past "new" ones were, they ended up--I'm sorry--but they ended up pretty twisted. This one seems more understanding. I honestly like her. (And I'm rambling positively--take note that I hardly do that when it comes to relatives potential or otherwise.)

A sign of hope? Dear god, I hope she is.

Saw Crying Ladies last night. Honestly, although it is a refreshing movie, I found Bridal Shower to be more solid fare, surprise, surprise. Better script, better characterization, to be honest. Check it out for yourselves, and make sure to catch Cherry Pie Picache's scene with the chocolate cake towards the end. That's some pretty good acting right there.

Went to Tagaytay to have brunch with the rest of the family at Antonio's. Got stuck in traffic, which led Whammy and me to finish our food in 15 minutes while the family reserved next at our table stared at us hungrily. Leisurely brunch at Tagaytay my ass.

We had more fun finding incredibly cheap stuff during our last-minute stop at HRM. And had more fun killing more time at Pioneer Center and the Jollibee branch there later on. Just goes to show it doesn't take an 80-peso cup of hot chocolate to find true happiness. I don't think it really will.

:: marbles lost since 6:04 AM [+] ::
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Merry Christmas, babies.

There's actually not much to say about this year's celebration since everything was basically the same. First, lunch. Then, the opening of presents by-family-by-age. That took around 3 hours as usual, because there were 7 sub-families or couples, with each member of the said sub-family or couple receiving at least 6 gifts. Now add all those minutes spent taking several digicam shots of each person holding each gift one by one. (Alcazaren Christmases are undoubtedly tests of faith.) Then, merienda. Then, that post-Christmas time-pocket where people just watch TV or sort out their gifts , then Scrabble with Whammy, then dinner, then the end.

Not much to say. Hmmmm...thinking...

Well, I think the gifts that really made me smile were the Spongebob boxers and the novelty lucky 8 ball.

Yeah.

:: marbles lost since 5:38 AM [+] ::
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2 hours left before Christmas. I'm home alone while my grandparents and other relatives are out for the mass, as usual. They've laid out the ham, but the entire noche buena has yet to be set up.

I wonder how the other ViCe are doing. I wonder how they're celebrating Christmas this year, if they're at home with the family, or out with friends, or asleep, or awake and alone. Either way, I hope they're not worried. I hope they're having a great time.

It's so hard when you don't know how people are doing. Texts, emails, and brief meetings are nothing compared to really being with them and witnessing or taking part in their lives. Back in grade school, I wouldn't have given a flying fuck what my classmates were doing. But after Makiling, I now wish I had some sort of screen that showed me how each ViCe is doing right now. How I would give anything to see us all in one room again, like we've done every day for four years, and something that has a fat chance of ever happening now or in the future. High school-period Christmases were always filled with something so solid. Now I just feel like I'm waiting everything out, and for something I don't even care to know about right now.

There's a reason why barely anyone cried during graduation. The sorrow was spread, idea by idea, throughout god knows how long a span of time.

:: marbles lost since 6:50 AM [+] ::
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Great get-together at Mars' condo two days ago. I braved my 3-degree fever and the chilly December air to take an ice-water nightswim. I think it helped cure me. Stuffed myself myself with food. Definitely had a hand at curing me. Beforehand, while waiting for the others to arrive, we spent an hour's quality time scanning through Von's porn stash. Hahahaha. Can't go to Mars' place without watching porn. And I think that partly cured me, too. So much for the ube.

Met Amanda yesterday at Megamall. We walked around, harrassed a few people behind store counters, talked, ate, and then attended the premiere of Bridal Shower. We sat behind the frigging cast. And yes, it was a very good movie. And like I've said a gazillion times before, I'll take a raincheck on writing a movie review.

But despite all the celebrating, it still doesn't feel like Christmas. It's Christmas Eve, and I feel nothing. This holiday season seems more like the dregs of last year's, at best. We even got this year's Christmas supply of balut from the Pateros Alcazarens, but still nothing.

It can't be because of problems, because I've had greater quandaries the past few years. It can't be because of holiday schoolwork because I've been assigned worse before. I really don't get it. And it honestly scares me to a point. I feel like I've been Zip-locked away from what's supposed to happen. And I sure as hell know that I'm not just some half-eaten sandwich.

:: marbles lost since 9:49 PM [+] ::
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Feeling much better but slowly losing my voice. Though I enjoy hearing myself get all raspy at times, I don't exactly want to be conversing in hand signals during the holidays.

Why is it that I lose my voice during important moments in my life? I think my most extreme case was during the senior retreat last year. We were doing all these stunts and I did it all with a fever and without a voice. In the harsh rain, I might add. The best part was probably when I jumped off a rope tied between two coconut trees thirty feet in the air. I screamed, but nobody heard me. They all just heard some air whistle from the back of my throat. Fine.

I'm meeting Amanda tomorrow! Yay, roommate! We're watching the preview of Bridal Shower at Megamall. Although I'm more for watching Crying Ladies later this week, I have to admit that the trailer for Bridal Shower got my attention. Sex is always a good (and important) topic for film. Always. :)

Listening to Ely Buendia's Monday Mundane, which is quite fitting. I woke up at 6:30 and couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to go downstairs instead. I learned, sadly, that my bed was actually more exciting than the annoying quiet on the first floor. My grandparents went down thirty minutes later and started eating their breakfast bibingka just as quietly. Knowing that I had over 3 hours to kill before I headed off for the block party drove me nuts.

Damn it, it still doesn't feel like Christmas. I don't feel the season at all. This all just feels like some sembreak extender. I usually feel that special excitement people get only before Christmas, but now I'm just completely numb.

:: marbles lost since 3:57 PM [+] ::
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I'm a phlegm-faucet. I've been leaking goo for the past 12 hours and I don't like it. The block party's tomorrow and I will hate myself if I miss it. So will my other blockmates since I designated myself to pick them all up at the MRT. I have to get better tonight. I've been ingesting drugstore-loads of Decolgen and eating as much as possible. Hell, I've even finished an entire half-bottle of ube this morning while watching Almost Famous because I suddenly had this incredible urge to. I just had this feeling that eating all that ube would surely cure me. Well, I'm still leaking, and that bottle's been scraped clean of any purple left in it. Damn it.

It sucks to be sick when you're older. When I was a kid, I remember having the library especially fixed up for me, with a bed tray ready and the pillows propped up for ample TV-watching. My mom would always bring something really good to eat home, and would always check up on me every thirty minutes. Getting sick would be such an event. But now that I'm older, everyone just expects me to swallow a tablet or two after meals and stay away from them most of the time lest they get infected. And I don't think my mom even knows I'm sick. I don't think anybody told her, and she hasn't dropped by the house today.

I wasn't a sickly kid and I'm not sickly now. But I do remember getting sick more frequently when I was younger. And not just the typical fever. I especially remember my extreme bouts of vertigo. I would go for days lying on my bed because the room would spin so quickly whenever I got up. That was a very weird, now that I think about it. I wonder what made me that dizzy. It was terrible. Even while I was lying down, things still moved around. My mom even got me out of bed and tagged me along to the Workstation Production Company and I collapsed on the nearest beanbag once we got there.

Now I get ube delusions. Just great. (drip)

:: marbles lost since 1:15 AM [+] ::
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